Tidbits will feature short writings of mine and feeds from people who
have work that is synergistic to mine. Hope you enjoy them. Sarah
Susanka is a client, friend, and a renowned architect who has
introduced the concept of the Not So Big House. Tom Hubler is
a nationally known colleague who focuses exclusively on family
owned businesses, values, and spirituality. 

Living consciously:

To be awake in the moment. Sounds simple, but it's not. With all the
demands on you in today's 24/7 world, this isn't easy. When your
mind is multi-tasking, it has to let more and more things go on
auto-pilot. At the end of the day, you might not know where it or the
real you went. The rush can swallow us, whole.

No, I don't think conscious living means we can control everything,
but it does help us remember to breathe, make choices -rather than
reactions- and stay attuned to who we are at our best.

It's like having a part of your consciousness sitting on your shoulder
witnessing you in the rush of the day ready to help and say, "Stop a
minute. Let's reflect on this."

What's an integrative question?

It's a question that unites a number of perspectives or needs. Unlike a
simple inquiry, it calls for creativity and thoughtfulness. The framing of
a question leads us down a thought path and that thought path can
isolate our thinking or help it see diversity of options.

I began thinking about this many years ago when I attended a workshop
by Anne Wilson Schaef, author of Women's Reality. She discussed
'either/or' thinking in which the question is, "Do I want this or that? Is this
right or wrong?" Rather than 'both/and' thinking in which we may say,
"I agree and I want to add an insight."

My clients find a whole different world when we find an intriguing
integrative question. I tell a story in my new book about a problem with a
door. When I asked, "Do I want to keep that door open in the winter so
I have the light and lose heat or do I want the warmth and privacy of keeping
it closed?" That led to dissatisfaction no matter which way I answered.

When I found an integrative question, "Is there a way to have light, privacy,
beauty, and not lose heat?" it took my husband and me down a totally
different path. We had a meaningful and creative time together creating a
stained glass piece in the upper portion of the door. We never would have
thought of that without the new question.

Seeking Holistic Understanding

Most of us want to be understood. I'm not sure how many people want to
understand. A powerful prayer that is still with us is the Peace Prayer of St.
Francis of Assisi. He prays to understand rather than to be understood. I've
thought about that a great deal. I find insight in it and I sense we need to
do more than that.

To understand holistically require you:
• have a deep understanding of yourself, your motives, your fears, your beliefs and the origin of all these.
• know who the other stakeholders are in the discussion (They can't be only those who agree with you.)
• care about the perspective of those who disagree with you.
• believe that the other stakeholders have insights that are equally valid as yours, especially those who disagree with you.
• seek to synthesize the diversity rather than prove one point-of-view right and the other wrong.

This requires the skill to ask integrative questions and live consciously with genuine self-knowledge.